I need a break from my kid—and that doesn’t make me a bad mom

I need a break from my kid. I need a break, before I break. Before I have absolutely nothing left to give.

I need a break from feeling the need to do it all—schedule doctor appointments, handle bath time, and plan healthy and well-balanced meals.

I need a break from trying to plan out daily activities and from worrying about whether I’m doing enough to raise a smart and educated child. I need a break from the constant pressure of making sure he hits his milestones. I need a break from feeling guilty for giving him screen time when I want to get something done around the house, like dinner or folding laundry or cleaning up the toys or simply just sitting and catching my breath for a second.

Related: This is what moms get wrong about self-care, according to a therapist

I need a break from my kid.

And some days the break that I need is in fact the “cliched” self-care things, like taking a bath or being able to grocery shop alone or reading a book. 

But other days, the break that I need is for someone to swoop in and handle it all while I sit in pure silence. Or for me to not be the one planning date nights and organizing babysitters, but being told to just be ready for an evening out. Or for me to not be the default parent for at least 24 hours.

I don’t need a break from my kid because I don’t enjoy being a mother. Or because I don’t enjoy my husband and the family we’ve created.

I refuse to feel guilty about wanting some time to recalibrate and recenter myself so that everyone is constantly getting the best version of me.

I don’t need a break because I’m selfish or because I refuse to make compromises in motherhood. I don’t need a break because I’m comparing myself to my husband and feeling like I carry a heavier load—who’s to even say when he makes so many daily sacrifices that are unseen and unspoken? I don’t need a break because I feel like I have it worse off than anybody—my husband, my friends or other mamas alike.

But I need a break because I am feeling depleted. I need a break because I know what it’s like to carry the face of the “strong woman” and that is a narrative that I don’t want to feed into any longer. I want to be able to be weak sometimes. I want to be able to not do it all sometimes. I want to be able to say that I am overwhelmed, or that the load is too heavy and I need help. And I don’t want to feel guilty for it. I don’t want to feel shamed or judged for it.

Related: This mom’s viral TikTok perfectly sums up ‘default parent resentment’—and yes, it’s REAL

The break that I need isn’t because I don’t enjoy my child—it’s because I love him so deeply and want to give him the best possible version of me. Not the worn-down mama constantly operating out of pure exhaustion.

I need a break because if I go until I’m empty, then who is going to tend to him? Who is going to give him the attention that he needs day in and day out? Who is going to make the sacrifices that his mama makes—or take on the entire world just for his sake? 

I need a break from my kid because I don’t want the words that I speak or the actions that I make out of being overwhelmed and frustrated to break him. I don’t want to give him the second-degree burns of every hardship that I am trying to overcome. 

Related: I refuse to be a martyr for motherhood

I don’t want to operate out of defeat and unconsciously teach my child that this is all that motherhood is: giving and giving even when you’re drained, until it consumes your identity and you can’t even tell who you are anymore.

So because I want the best of me for my child, because I want the best of me for my husband, because I want the best of me for myself and everyone else… I need a break.

And I refuse to feel guilty about that anymore. I refuse to feel guilty about wanting some time to recalibrate and recenter myself so that everyone is constantly getting the best version of me—not the exhausted, overwhelmed and irritable woman.

Because being a mama is one of the hardest things I have ever done. It is one of the most tiring duties that never ends. But I’m not claiming the “supermom” identity for one second longer. I need to replenish the cup that continues to pour into everyone else. I need to make sure that she is taken care of, that she is prioritized and not forgotten about or brushed to the side. I need to make sure that she feels seen and heard and loved and appreciated.

Every mama needs to feel this way.

So there, I said it… I need a break from my kid. Moms everywhere need a break from their kids. And that doesn’t make us bad moms. It makes us human.