I don’t want to be a helicopter parent—but it’s what works for me

Every generation has its parenting trends. “The Greatest Generation” had the idealized “perfect family”—a “picture perfect” two-parent, gender-divided home in the suburbs, that was probably more trope than reality.

The Baby Boomers brought us parent-as-life coach/ friend/chauffeur and manager. At best, it’s a nurturing style done out of love and wanting the best for your kids. At worst, it’s called “helicopter parenting,” the idea that parents try to protect their kids from all harm and difficulty, only to make their kids incapable of caring for themselves.

And our Millennial generation has a “free-range” parenting trend, a backlash against the overly-controlled childhood aimed at teaching kids to rise to life’s challenges.

All of this talk about gender roles, helicopter parenting, grit and independence has me wondering—what kind of parent do I want to be?

Do I want to give my kids a picture-perfect childhood? Do I want to control them and make sure every good thing is done to them and for them? Do I want to set them free to figure it all out on their own? Defining the parent I want to be—and deciding what values drive my day-to-day parenting decisions—can be complicated.

The truth is, “helicoptering” comes easy to me, even when I know it’s good for my children to work hard, face obstacles, and experience the pride of genuine achievement.

I don’t want to helicopter—but I want to make sure my kids have the best opportunities in life, especially in things that I may have missed out on in my own childhood. (Though I’m sure I’m pushing my own values on them and they will find their own way to rebel….)

I don’t want to helicopter—but I want to make sure they always look both ways before they cross the street, have their carseat properly installed, and are aware of dangers in our world. (Though I teach them these things and do my best to keep them in safe situations…)

I don’t want to helicopter—but having faith that they’ll be safe when they’re out of my sight is really hard for me. (Though I say a prayer and trust in the universe…)

I don’t want to helicopter—but sometimes doing things for them can be so much easier/ faster/ better than letting them do it for themselves. (Though I try to be patient…)

I don’t want to helicopter—but I set up play dates, schedule after-school activities, and encourage them socially so that my children can make new friends. (Though I’m sure they will find true friends in their own time…)

I don’t want to helicopter—but watching my little ones struggle can be hard for my mama heart. (So I hope they know I’m doing this because I love them…)

I don’t want to helicopter—but protecting my kids comes easy. Giving them space to struggle and grow is essential, but hard, for both of us.