I have a 2-year-old—and here’s everything I’ve learned so far

For at least the past month (well, probably longer, but who’s keeping track when there’s no such thing as a good night’s sleep between an almost two-year-old and a 3-month-old), every morning starts with the familiar refrain of my son’s tiny voice repeating the same phrase relentlessly like only a toddler can, “Time to wake up mama! Wake up! Time to wake up!” And while I’m sure tomorrow morning will start off no different, I’ll close my eyes tonight and know that everything will change. Because tomorrow morning, we’ll wake up and he’ll be a two-year-old.

Two years since all 8lbs, 7oz of him entered the world after 16 miserable hours of labor. Two years since we met our handsome boy with his full head of hair, fell head over heels in love and decided our lives ‘pre-baby’ weren’t so great after all. Two whole years since I became a mama.

And what a wild ride it’s been. At two, he’s a running, jumping, talking, tantrum-throwing, truck-loving, perfectly chaotic mess of a kid—a far cry from the helpless newborn we cluelessly brought home just two short years ago.

I’m sure sometime in the next week (okay, maybe more like the next year), I’ll be madly scribbling down all the things I don’t want to forget about him at this age in his baby book, but perhaps one of the things I want to remember most is what he’s taught me in the last two years. Being the personal assistant to a demanding toddler (and now his little brother) is the hardest job I’ve ever had, but thankfully he’s also the best teacher I never thought I’d have.

Strangely, the longer I’m a mother, the less I seem to know, but I’m certain the last two years have taught me five valuable lessons that I’ll keep with me long after my babies are grown:

1. It’s okay to say no. I was a people-pleaser before I became a mom, but becoming a mom kicked my people-pleasing tendencies into overdrive. Thanks to my over-confident toddler who says “no” more times than I can count on any given morning, I’ve truly learned the power of this simple, two-letter word. Now, when an over-eager relative asks to hold my 3-month-old when I want to be the one to hold him? You guessed it: N-O.
2. Always ask for what you want. My toddler does it all day and he makes no apologies for it either. If I’ve learned anything since becoming a mother, it’s that I can’t do everything on my own and do it well. But I can’t expect my husband (or anyone else, for that matter) to read my mind and offer to take things off my plate if I don’t ask for it. There’s absolutely no shame in asking for help—or for that extra glass of wine—because mom-ing is freakin’ hard.
3. It’s okay to make mistakes. We wouldn’t be human if we didn’t. I’m convinced that one of the best things I can teach my children is not to fear failure but to learn from it, get up and try again. As a people-pleaser (see point #1), the pressure to get things right all the time and to make sure everyone is taken care of is REAL. But as a work-at-home mom of two, things slip through the cracks more often than not and the fact that my toddler STILL can’t drink from an open cup without spilling half of it all over himself reminds that it’s okay to not get things right the first, fifth, or even thirty-sixth time.
4. Love and forgive with your whole heart. There’s nothing purer than a toddler’s love. Trucks, snacks, Paw Patrol, making messes, me. I can’t count how many times I’ve snapped and lost my cool with my 2-year-old only to have him look up at me with his big, brown eyes still filled with complete forgiveness, adoration and love. And each time I’m humbled and reminded of the grace I should give myself whenever I feel like I’m failing (and trust me, it’s a lot).
5. These are the days. Really, they are. The 3-month-old no-sleep nights and 8-month-old separation anxiety “only mom will do” moments? Those were the days. The 2-year-old tantrum after tantrum filled mornings and never-ending messes? These are the days. The 13-year-old “don’t embarrass me mom” phase and the 17-year-old too cool for school (literally) period of time? Those will be the days. Yes, right now a walk to the grocery store that’s five blocks away easily takes half an hour, usually more, but how else would we pick every flower, notice every spider or feed every squirrel if it didn’t? I definitely don’t do this with patience 100% of the time but perfect or not, these are our moments and our days. They are a part of our story and will become our memories.

So, on the eve of my 2-year-old’s birthday, my mama heart is full. Full of lessons learned, full of memories past, and full of anticipation for the moments to come in year three and beyond. And as I look forward to celebrating my sweet baby tomorrow, there’s one more thing that I know is true: Mamas, no matter what age or stage you’re at (I see you, sleep-deprived mamas with newborns), hang on to every precious moment a little longer than you think you should because I promise that the minute you blink, you’ll miss them.

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