30 hilarious + eye-opening truths about the 4th trimester 😳

1. You are now one with the mesh underwear that the hospital gave you, and you want to live in them
for the rest of your life.

2. The spray bottle process you have to go through after going to the bathroom is kind of
ridiculous and genius at the same time.

3. We all cried. Over a lot of random things. Pampers commercials, the last cookie, and the fact
that your baby doesn’t need newborn size diapers anymore.

4. You’ve gotten poop on you. More than once? Yes. Us, too. ?

5.

Yoga pants

are life—and if we must emerge from our cocoon, it will be in those beautiful black
stretchies.

6. There’s quite a bit of bleeding that goes on, and a lot of us were totally unprepared for that.

7. Your boobs may feel like they’ve been injected with cement and all of a sudden it may seem quite
reasonable to stuff your bra with cabbage leaves.

8. Waking up with “leak circles” on your nursing tank becomes the norm for a while. (It seems like
there is always a wet spot on you

somewhere

!)

9. You may stress over the umbilical cord. This is normal. It feels strange, but I
repeat—this is normal.

10. You quickly realize that your new sleep patterns don’t involve a REM cycle so much as a
wake-up-a-million-times-a-night-to-make-sure-they’re-breathing cycle.

11. Oh, and a waking-up-another-million-times-to-feed-them cycle. ?

12. Conversations about the color of your baby’s poop are now totally acceptable.

13. Not wanting to

go outside

with your baby because it feels scary is totally normal. And finally going out with your baby and
feeling FREEEEE is

also

normal.

14. There will probably be a lot of pressure on that first date night out without the baby. You may
have fun, you may cry because you miss the baby—but it’s okay. Good for you guys for getting
out—and it will get easier. We promise.

15. You will know you ‘made it’ as a mom after you’ve changed your first blowout diaper. It’s kind
of an, “Oh wow, this really

does

happen! It really

can

go all the way up their backs!” type moment. Find the humor in it, mama. Because you’ve officially
joined the ranks.

16. There’s a real art to dressing your postpartum body. There may be a sort of “I don’t fit in my
real clothes, but I also don’t fit in my maternity clothes” phase. It’s a strange but wonderful
land where you can wear your pajamas all day or your

husband’s sweatpants

or yoga pants—basically anything you feel comfortable in. You do you.

17. Your baby might want to nurse for 30 minutes on each breast every time she nurses.

Sooo

, fire up Netflix and binge watch some shows on the couch, guilt-free.

18. It’s really an eye-opener to see how your nurses in the hospital handle your baby. You feel
like they are these fragile little creatures, at first, but once you watch a nurse teach you how to
swaddle your son you realize—

wait

—this little guy isn’t so breakable after all.

19. Babies grunt a lot! And loudly. They make lots of tiny noises. And they are

really

adorable.

20. You may be confused and/or terrified of cradle cap. (You may also have a strong desire to pick
it—but don’t. Just…don’t.)

21. A lot of us didn’t realize that newborns get pimples. It’s kind of fascinating.

22. It’s incredible to watch people instantly soften when they see a

newborn

. They just light up. It’ll make you feel connected to humanity in a whole new way.

23. You suddenly realize how noisy your neighborhood is when you’re desperate for the baby to take
a nap in the stroller. Car door slam.

Shhhh

. Lawnmower.

Come onnn

. Kids laughing and playing.

Can you guys do that inside?

?

24. Same goes for when you’re trying to get your baby to nap at home. If you live in a
city—the bus going down the street. The sirens. The beeping. If you live in the
suburbs—the FedEx guy ringing your bell. The leaf blowers. The creaky floorboards.

25. Newborn life will quickly show you that

babywearing

is the best thing ever.

26. If living in your robe all day every day is wrong…we don’t want to be right. (Robes were
basically made for the 4th trimester.)

27. The soft spot on their heads may freak you out, FYI!

28. That first time you do a jumping jack (or cough, or sneeze…) and realize,

uh-oh

…?

29. If you are

breastfeeding

, you may feel like you’re living your life in three-hour increments.

Okay, I fed the baby—now, I have T-1.5 hours to go do what I need to do before I have to come
back and feed him again.

Annnnd….GO.

30. This 4th trimester will show you just how amazing this newborn bubble is—all the ups and
downs included—and even though you’ll be ready to introduce yourself to civilization after
the bubble pops, you’ll miss this hibernation period. So allow yourself to soak it in.