My family of 7 asks for ‘experiences’ instead of ‘things’—here’s how our holidays work

The pre-holiday toy purge and subsequent onslaught of stuff is of course, both a blessing and a curse. There have been actual non-child tears shed over the overwhelm of the whole process, especially as we try to accommodate the ever-changing interests of five kids under age 8. There are massive baseball nets and tiny legos and figurines. There are large baby bouncers and hoverboards. It all can just feel like a whole lot of drowning. Enter: “Experience gifts.”

So, like many moms, when the “experiences over gifts” movement took hold a few years back, I was intrigued. What would it be like to receive much fewer toys? The first year, it was actually a bit rocky. Each child had two presents under the tree, because they also were receiving items like zoo passes for the year, amusement park tickets, and an NFL game experience, through the generosity of family members grouping together what would have amounted to many toys.

With five kids, even if they each receive five items, there are 25 new things coming in. 

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The second year it was a bit smoother. They anticipated having a few toys each, and they’d seen what a year of benefitting from these experiences was really like. I also noticed they’d had to wait to get to do some of those things, and had been able to learn a bit about delayed gratification looking back. This year, though, I brought in a bit more balance by buying some smaller toys so they had stuff to unwrap, and saving money for bigger experience gifts. Really, on Christmas morning, kids want the fun of unwrapping some stuff! Nobody has ever said, at least here, why did you buy me just a $5 pop it? So, I kept the gift purchases on the cheaper side but didn’t skimp on quantity. 

That year I realized there was less pressure, though, to spend a whole day at the zoo or museum if we could come back another day with season passes, so really we all got much more enjoyment from each outing as well.

In a recent viral Facebook post, one mom, Elisha Dawn McGee, wrote “Please do not buy my children toys for Christmas. We have so many. Gift us an experience instead.” She posts a chart of “experience gifts” including the following options:

• Aquarium, zoo, or museum memberships
• Amusement or trampoline park passes
• Arcade, Top Golf, or Go Kart gift cards
• Baseball game, theater, or movie tickets
• Classes including rock climbing, drama, virtual learning, or cooking
• Paintball, lasertag, escape room, or concert tickets

Parents love to disagree on this topic. One writes, “or the parents can buy these instead of toys.” Another says, “My baby will get these experiences without it having to be a gift.” One points to the obvious problem I’ve felt in our family — “Christmas is unwrapping and feeling the joy on their little faces playing with new things.” 

This is our third year focusing on experiences over toys, but still including some toys. What I”ve learned is that it’s absolutely a balance — I don’t want the rigidity of limiting toys to a certain number. But I also don’t want a playroom flooded with plastic. It all comes down to us having some intentional conversations with kids about what would be more meaningful to them, and throwing in some surprises, experiences and gifts, along the way.