Infertility is on the rise—and I’m not surprised

The World Health Organization recently announced that 1 in 6 people struggle with infertility. That number is up from the original estimate of 1 in 8 just a few years ago. And while this statistic may seem scary to some, for me, it just felt like a confirmation of what I am already seeing, hearing and feeling.

In every presentation to a room of brokers, meeting with a potential client, or gathering with friends, when fertility struggles comes up, inevitably, over half of the room raises their hand to say: “I went through this.” And for the other half, they are often one degree removed from someone who did.

Infertility and the challenges of building a family are very common. Yet, despite this, throughout my journey, I felt alone.

I felt ashamed. I felt like I had done something “wrong.” Instead, I had done what I believed to be everything in my power to achieve the goals my partner and I had for our family. I saw 14 doctors over 3 years. I spent thousands of dollars on treatment. And I spent many, many nights scrolling the internet looking for answers. 

But what I later learned is that there is a huge gap in the journey. There is no middle ground in fertility and family. It’s casual and under the radar (“Just try when you’re ready!“) until it’s not working. And then it’s really not working and it’s terrifying. And super high cost. And invasive. And anxiety-inducing like no other.

I was stunned when I heard the words: “Your best option is in vitro fertilization (IVF) and even then, we can’t be sure.”

How did I get here? Everyone told me I was healthy and would be “fine.”

We discovered so much that we didn’t know once we hit that wall—from my PCOS and hypothyroid diagnosis to the impact of lifestyle and the significant role that male factors play (up to 40% to 50% of all infertility cases!). It was all new to me, and now I was being told that a procedure that wasn’t covered by my insurance was my only hope. 

It was so binary: You’re infertile or you’re not. But it’s so much more than that. 

Family building is not just about fertility treatments or clinical procedures. It’s also about the emotional, mental and social aspects of the journey. And all of it played a role in our outcomes and the journey to get to where we are today. 

Related: It’s time to stop calling infertility a women’s health issue

These are the changes I’d like to see—and have set out to create—when it comes to family building

This journey is what led me and my partner to build Frame:

To humanize the experience with 1:1 coaching, community and care. 

To enable a way to surface risk factors early. 

To combine the clinical expertise with the holistic support that people need at every stage. 

To support anyone who may want children someday.

We wanted to create a community where people could feel seen, heard and supported. We believe that by humanizing family building, we can help individuals and couples make more informed decisions and feel more empowered throughout their journey.

Related: Here’s why we need an expanded definition of infertility

And during National Infertility Awareness Week, we hope to raise awareness about the emotional toll of infertility and the need for more comprehensive family building support. It can’t just be last minute “fixes” and rushed decisions. We deserve better.

If you or someone you know is struggling with infertility or other family building issues, know that you’re not alone.

There are resources, like Frame, that are available to provide support and guidance throughout the journey. Our personal journey is just one of many, but we hope that by sharing it, we can help others who are going through similar experiences feel less alone. We encourage you to seek out the stories of others who have shared their journeys and find comfort and strength in their words.

A version of this story was originally published on April 27, 2023. It has been updated.