The mental load for a mother starts in pregnancy, and a man summed it up perfectly

There are a plethora of things to consider before starting a family, and when you get pregnant all those hypotheticals become looming realities. If you’re employed, you have to plan maternity leave and future childcare, among other expenses. You have to prepare for your body to make its biggest transformation of your life, both during pregnancy and after delivering your baby. And then there’s all the stuff you have to get. Quite frankly, it’s overwhelming, and that mental load weighs much heavier on the person carrying the baby than their partner.

George Lewis, who wrote the parenting book for expecting dads called Don’t Panic, summed up how women think during pregnancy versus men in a painfully accurate Instagram reel. 

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The English comedian first acted out the perspective of the woman. “I’ve got so much to prepare. Gotta get the house ready; get the nursery ready; buy a cot; buy a pram; bottles; milk; baby grows; muslins; bedding,” he said in the video. “I need to think about work. How they’re gonna take it. How it’ll affect my career. I need to go on a first aid course, start thinking about childcare, think about the changes to my body.”

The list doesn’t end there. “I need new clothes; I need a new diet; I need to take supplements; and I need to make sure I’m emotionally ready for the biggest change I’m ever going to have,” he said.

For the man’s perspective? “I think I’ll enter a triathlon,” he mused, to which the woman replied “What?”

Of course, this is an exaggerated take, but it does prove how the pregnant person carries so much more than just the baby during those 10 months (yep, 10) from conception to delivery. And all jokes aside, mental health is just as important during pregnancy as it is in postpartum (perinatal depression does exist and is more common than you think). 

If you’re feeling the pre-baby blues and are worried about it, know that you’re not alone: according to a 2020 study, perinatal depression affects 10% to 20% of American women during pregnancy, postpartum, or both. It is not a reflection of your feelings towards motherhood and does not mean you’re ungrateful for your baby.

If you are pregnant and feel like you may be suffering from perinatal depression or anxiety, contact your provider right away. If you are having thoughts about harming yourself or someone else, you can call The National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 or go to the emergency room.

A version of this story was originally published on Oct. 18. 2023. It has been updated.