Home / Parenting When less is more: 4 misbehaviors parents can ignore If parents want to curb bad behavior, they need to adopt the less is more philosophy. By Parent.co October 3, 2017 Rectangle There are times when less is more. In writing, for example, less means leaving room for readers to fill in some details via their imagination. In cooking it means allowing just a few ingredients to shine. And in parenting, it means permitting children to grow and develop without parental involvement and attention to every minute detail. Unfortunately, modern day parenting commands a contrarian philosophy, one that dictates that more is more. Parents are expected to devote every last bit of attention and effort to raising smart, successful, perfect little beings. This means more time volunteering at school. More time showering our kids with attention while they do even the smallest achievements. And it means spending hours upon hours negotiating, lecturing and trying to manage difficult behavior in our kids. Conventional wisdom decrees that all undesirable behavior must be conquered with more parenting. Right? Um, no. Wrong. Parents are running themselves ragged trying to live up to a standard that is untenable. Whatâs worse is that their endless offerings of attention are having disastrous consequences. Parents are exhausted from trying to manage whining and complaining and tantrums. All the while, children are learning that those same behaviors win them both attention and, quite often, more TV time or cookies and ice cream. As a result, we wind up with an endless pattern. The kids misbehave. The parents react. The kids misbehave. The parents react. The kids ⊠This is why, if parents want to curb behavior so they can start enjoying time as a family again, they need to adopt the less is more philosophy. Here are four ways parents can do less and improve more: Ignore the whining Responding to whining is like furiously scratching an itchy mosquito bite. It soothes for a moment. But, ultimately, the action results in more itching. But whhhhhy canât I have more screen time? But whhhyyyy canât I have a sleepover at Jennyâs house? But whhhhhyyyy canât I have a cookie right before dinner? Kids whine because they know parents canât help but respond. Sometimes kids get a lecture. Sometimes a beaten-down mother or father gives in to the request. It doesnât matter. Kids have learned that whining is highly effective in getting some benefit âeven negative attention is still a reward. So stop responding to whining. Just ignore it. Soon enough your kids will see that their whining doesnât produce the typical results and they will try to get your attention in more appropriate ways. Donât negotiate Parenting isnât a democracy. Sure, kids can and often should have some input into decisions that may affect them. But at the end of the day, parents want to be able to make choices without an endless barrage of mediation requests. Parents often think negotiation with kids is alright because everyone wins with a compromise. Nope. In this case, only the kids win. Once negotiation commences, children believe everything is up for debate. Before parents know it, they are negotiating the number of carrots little Becky needs to eat at dinner, or how many more minutes Mikey can watch âBob the Builderâ before bedtime. Want to avoid feeling as if you live in mediation court? Simpleâdonât negotiate. Stand firm and ignore any efforts to derail your plan. Ignore anything annoying Kids can be annoying. I know itâs a weird thing to say, but, well, sometimes they are. They make awful noises. They fidget and tap and interrupt without saying âexcuse me.â Just because the behavior grates on parents doesnât mean itâs helpful to admonish it. In fact, itâs detrimental. Kids who are looking to get a rise out of parentsâand then succeedâare only encouraged to keep at their behavior. And children who have difficulty controlling some of these behaviors feel badly about themselves when admonished. When parents simply ignore these behaviors they suddenly feel better. Often the annoyances disappear. But even if they donât, they hold no power over the parent and parents eventually hardly even notice them. Pretend you donât hear cursing or other disrespectful talk Typically, kids curse for two different reasons. Little kids whoâve somehow heard a bad word have no idea what they are saying. But the reaction they receive from parents (laughing, yelling) teaches them that those words are powerful. The other type of cursing is done by older children trying to enrage their parents, ensuring a fiery response. And thatâs the point. Any reaction from a parent will just encourage kids to curse even more. When cursing has no power to hurt or elicit a response, children will find other more pleasant means to communicate. And that improved way to interacting means everyone enjoys each other much more. Original story by Catherine Pearlman for Parent.co. Pearlman is the author of Ignore It!: How Selectively Looking the Other Way Can Decrease Behavioral Problems and Increase Parenting Satisfaction. The latest News When your children are close in age, motherhood feels like fast-forwardâand itâs bittersweet Parenting Alone with your newborn: The raw reality of the first day postpartum Travel Should travelers be expected to give up their seats for parents? Redditâs viral debate weighs in Parenting No, gentle parenting is not permissive parenting