Eye-opening viral video shows difference between effective and ineffective ways to handle bedtime

Let’s face it, putting your kid down for bed can be downright stressful sometimes, especially at the end of a long day. You just want some much needed decompression time, but your kid doesn’t want the day to be over. Commence the power struggle. It’s hard, but with just a little change in our perspective (and delivery), bedtime routines can become a lot more pleasant for everyone.

Shelly Miller, who goes by @theteachermama on Instagram, shared an eye-opening reel that shows examples of ineffective versus effective ways to handle bedtime.

Ineffective bedtime methods

First, she demonstrated ineffective methods (while noticeably on her phone during most of the examples):

• Not intentional (“Hey, bedtime. Pajamas, now.”)
• Repetitive (“Hey, I said bedtime. Up the stairs. Come on.”)
• Passive (“Guys, stop wrestling. No. Jammies, come on.”)
• Distracted (“Hey, why are you chasing each other? Okay, go brush your teeth.”)
• Uninvolved (“Why is there water everywhere?”)
• Disconnected (“Do not run away from me again. In your bed, now.”)
• Reactive (“Hey, back in your bed!”)

Effective bedtime methods

Next, she shared effective methods:

• Prepared (takes out toothbrushes, hair brush, toothpaste, etc)
• Engaged and present (“Hey, watcha buildin’? Ooh cool. Okay, it is bedtime, so can you find a stopping point, please? Okay, let’s go. Come on.”)
• Active (“Okay come on in. Hey, should we have a song on or do you want to tell jokes while we get ready?”)
• Motivating and forward momentum (“Oh my goodness, your bed looks so cozy. Okay, I’m going to go snuggle in there. I’m going to start reading in one moment.”)
• Connected (“Okay, it’s time for mama to go. Would it help if I came and checked in on you in a few minutes? Okay, I’ll see you in a few minutes. Love you.”)

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A post shared by Shelly Miller | Positive Parenting & Teaching (@theteachermomma)

In her caption, Miller added some disclaimers to let families know these are just examples and to do what feels right for your family, writing:

1. These videos are examples of AN effective way to handle bedtime routine, not a formula for THE way to handle bedtime routine. There are as many good ways to do it as there are parents.

2. Children are different. Being present, engaged, and connected with your child might look different than what is shown here. 

3. If your child isn’t struggling with bedtime, then you’ve already found an effective approach.

4. If your child is struggling with bedtime, then consider how the bigger principles shown here might look for your family.

5. An effective bedtime routine does not eliminate all the hard moments. Sometimes bedtime is just flippin exhausting and difficult no matter what you do.

6. If bedtime routine is a fight every night, there’s a good chance you need to start the whole thing a bit earlier. Overtiredness and urgency always cause problems.

At the end of the day, I’ve found that increasing my active, positive support and supervision is the surest way to resolve bedtime battles.

Will these tools make your bedtime struggles magically disappear right away? Probably not. But being mindful, present, engaging, and proactive with our kiddos is always beneficial in the long run.