Don’t save the housework for nap time—do this instead

As a mom of two young kids, my “to-do” list is never ending. And, like most moms, I scroll through TikTok in the middle of the night. It was during one of these nights when I came across some parenting advice that suggested NOT working around the house when your kids are asleep. At the time, I had an infant, I was burned out and tried to get everything done while she was sleeping. It made me realize that if I save the housework for when my kids can see it, I can use it as a teaching moment AND get some balance back in my life.

I decided that I want my kids to know the house doesn’t magically maintain itself and that time, effort and energy goes into keeping the house running. Specifically, MY time, effort and energy. I hope that modeling the work will teach them the skills they need once they get older and take over. I hope that this teaches them to be grateful for their living environment. If I am being honest with myself, I hope it also teaches them to appreciate me and the work that I do for our family. 

You may be wondering, How does this actually work? Practically speaking, this looks like making sure your kids see when you are emptying the dishwasher, sweeping the floor after a meal, rearranging a closet, donating items that aren’t needed in your house anymore, prepping meals (including their lunches for the next day), packing their backpacks, doing laundry, separating their clothes that no longer fit and the list goes on. 

Since most of my tasks are finished for that day, I have more time to recharge and be a better version of myself.

With my kids, I’m constantly narrating what I am doing and why it needs to be done. For example I might say, “I’m going to empty this dishwasher so that we will all have clean dishes to eat off of. Then I’ll put the dirty ones in to clean those too.” 

Another example of how this looks in our house is that we have a 10 minute clean-up at the end of the night right before the kids head to bed. This has looked different at various ages for my kids. When they were very young, I would just talk through cleaning up the different toys as I went. Now, with my four year old, we make a game of it and do a countdown challenge to see how many toys we can pick up before the time runs out. During this time, my 18 month old helps out as well.

I have found that the benefits of making household tasks visible when the kids are awake have far outweighed the benefits of saving those tasks for when they’re asleep. I have found that most tasks around the house go more quickly with a couple extra helping hands (bringing in the groceries, wiping down counters/floors, cleaning up small toys, etc.). Even when these hands aren’t always particularly helpful, they’re being kept busy while we are bonding over a shared responsibility.

I find my children initiating housework on their own and my older daughter even encouraging my son to clean up after himself. My favorite benefit is having that time to myself when my kids are asleep. While on the surface, it feels like you can be more productive when they’re not under foot, the reality is you lose out on time for yourself AND a teaching opportunity. I now have time to enjoy reading again. I’ve devoured books from my “to be read” list, ones that had been long neglected after I had my first baby. While I used to pick up a book here and there, I now have time to read in significant chunks of time. 

Since most of my tasks are finished for that day, I have more time to recharge and be a better version of myself. It is not a fool proof plan and I sometimes find myself sneaking in tasks while the kids are asleep, but for the most part, saving household tasks for when the kids can see it has given me back a little bit of autonomy at a time in my life when it is scarce and very needed. 

A version of this post was published March 28, 2023. It has been updated.