This boss’ words to a working dad is something every father needs to hear

One day at work, I sat across from my boss in a one-on-one meeting discussing future goals. One of mine was to try to do more. I was promoted fairly quickly in my career, and I remember how hungry I was for advancement. As I sat there, a brand-new working dad of two, I sensed a lot of that hunger had faded. I no longer had the time to “get ahead” of the pack by growing in my career outside of the normal working hours, because I was now balancing being a working dad.

Once I walked through the doors at home, I was “Dad” from that second until the moment my kids fell asleep. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love being a father. It’s the best title I have ever carried. My little ones need me. I see that, and it’s important to me. 

Related: Working dads have guilt, too 

Much of these feelings, however, came from guilt that I was not being enough for my team at work. I discussed how I felt I was falling behind or not growing nearly as fast. The next sentences out of my boss’ mouth changed my life forever. As a mother whose children are now adults, she said, with conviction, “You will never regret spending this time with your family. You can never get it back.”

What she said resonated with me. Before that, I always operated under the assumption that fathers are the providers. They didn’t get to put their careers on hold to be a parent. Instead, they needed to advance in them. They needed to get that promotion for the better of their families, even if it meant more time away from home.

I can remember coming across many articles about mothers putting their careers on hold to start and raise a family. I don’t need more than a few fingers to count the literature that’s out there about fathers doing the same. But now, we truly live in an amazing time where so many stereotypes of dads are being debunked. 

Related: Working moms have to look out for one another—because no one else will

As a working dad, that conversation with my boss has had a lasting impact on me. I no longer worry about checking work emails at home. I don’t stress about getting behind. Work will always be there when I get to it, which is such a powerful realization.  

Although I still work full-time, being a parent has been my main priority and focus. As I find a way of balancing work and fatherhood, I no longer bring work home with me (at least I surely try not to).

Yes, being a working dad is hard. I may sometimes question if I’m doing what is best, but one thing I do know, though, is my boss was right.

I may sometimes wonder if I am doing the right thing, but then again, isn’t that what parenting consists of? Constantly wondering if you are making the right choice?

I see some of my peers advancing and growing in their knowledge and abilities, and I often wonder if, as my children get older, I can find a way of balancing work and fatherhood. I sometimes think about all the books I haven’t gotten a chance to read and all the podcasts that have taken a backseat to “The Wheels on the Bus”—both signs of choosing to be a dad first. 

Related: Dear employers of working dads—it’s time to make a change 

There are also times when I arrive to work absolutely exhausted from a night during which my teething baby could not get rest, and as a result, neither did her parents.  Those days, I know that I could and should be giving more to my colleagues. Though being a dad is the most rewarding job I’ve ever had, I do wonder where I would be if I had an extra couple of hours to get to those work-related tasks that I can never seem to catch up on. But these “what-if’s” will have to take a back seat for now.  

Yes, being a working dad is hard. I may sometimes question if I’m doing what is best, but one thing I do know, though, is my boss was right. I will never get this time back. I only have so many more reenactments of the famous Buzz Lightyear vs. Zurg elevator showdown—and looking over and seeing baby sister’s face who thinks it’s more of a Broadway production than playtime in the living room.

My babies will only be babies for a short time. The months already fly by—I cannot imagine how quick the years will go. So yes, as a working dad, I may miss out on a promotion or two in the next couple of years. I may still wonder if I could be doing more. Some of those days, the answer is probably yes. Still, nothing I ever accomplish in my career will be seen as more memorable than the memories I am making being a dad. I’m OK with that, and I think the people who mean the most to me would agree—and that’s all that matters.