How setting boundaries helped me be a more present mom, colleague and boss

I’m a yes-person. Need help with something? Want to meet up? Are you free?

Of course. Absolutely. I’d love to. 

My answer to any of these types of questions has always been some variation of the above. And for many years I took a lot of pride in that. Growing up my grandmother always told me, “If you need something done make sure to ask a busy person” and I lived for many years in a way that tried to embody that mindset.

This worked for me for a very long time. Especially as a college student and in my early twenties when I just started out in the working world. 

The problem is that over the years I started to add more titles to my personal bio beyond just student and employee. I became a wife, a business partner, a CEO and, most importantly, a mom. 

Suddenly, saying yes to all of the things being asked of me meant saying no to the most precious and fleeting thing of all—time with my kids. 

Instead of priding myself on how many things I could add to my to-do list and how full I could make my calendar, I felt myself seeking work days that ended in time for school pick-up and unscheduled weekends. 

Although motherhood left me craving more downtime, that didn’t necessarily mean that my  yes-person personality went away. Instead, I found myself feeling guilty when I had to say no and being left with FOMO about the things I was missing out on rather than enjoying the time with family that I wanted so badly. 

The constant, emotional tug-of-war was exhausting and I knew something had to shift so I could get back to enjoying each role in my life more fully. 

Learning to set clear boundaries was the key to allowing me to continue living as a yes-person while also helping me to stay present as a mom, wife, colleague and boss. And while boundary setting is a practice in and of itself, there are some key principles that I stand by that have helped me along the way. 

Time is my most valuable currency

As an entrepreneur and business owner my mind is wired to  think about how every opportunity that comes my way could potentially lead to financial growth within my work. This used to be a big factor for why I would say yes to so many different things. There was a time when I associated working more with making more and the idea of earning more money was always the highest priority. 

Time has become more important than dollars and in creating that mental shift I have found it easier to say no to business opportunities that take away too much of my time. This has allowed me to rethink strategies to focus on more passive revenue streams that don’t require trading time for dollars and instead free up more of my time to focus on attending to the people in my life who need my attention—both personally and professionally. 

There are times that earning more money can create opportunities for more quality time. If that end-of-the-year bonus means you can afford a family vacation, then it could totally be worth it.  

Set mental boundaries around your time and honor them. 

Quality over quantity is a guiding principle in my relationships

Someone once told me, “You can be all things, but you can’t be all things at the same time,” and I’m not sure I’ve ever felt something more true with regard to motherhood than this. The reality of this season of my life, with little babies at home, is that they need a lot of my attention. This means that some of the roles in my life that I truly value, especially being a friend, are currently taking a backseat to Mom. 

Before having children I had girls’ nights at least once per week, if not more. I thought nothing of grabbing a coffee with an acquaintance or someone who wanted to pick my brain. But now, the amount of social events that get added to my calendar are much more limited and they’re reserved for people I truly want to spend time with, in settings I truly want to be in. 

Nights out are sacred, especially if they’re on a weekend, and I make sure that when they’re scheduled they’re spent with my closest friends who I know will fill up my cup and let me fill theirs.If someone asks me to attend a social event that doesn’t meet that criteria, it’s an easy pass.

Once you give yourself permission to create social boundaries by only saying yes to things that light you up, saying no becomes a whole lot easier. 

I rely on communication and acknowledgement 

I may not have the same amount of time to get things done as I used to, but I do still have time to acknowledge people and make them feel heard. I’ve found that making sure to treat people with kindness and respect really makes the difference in them understanding that you have your own boundaries to adhere to. 

Most people are extremely understanding about respecting your boundaries when you communicate with clarity and kindness. In fact, you become an example of how to set healthy boundaries while maintaining respectful, working relationships. Communication is the key to cooperation. It really is a practice. 

Creating the boundaries you want to set is the easy part. Learning to stick with them is an ongoing process that takes practice. There are still weeks I find myself overloaded and wondering how I slipped back into my people-pleasing tendencies. 

In those weeks, I give myself grace. I smile because even though they make me more tired, they remind me that I’m still capable of being the girl who could handle it all. They also teach me that I’m happy, for the most part, to let her continue taking a much-needed rest.

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Kate Lombardo

Kate Lombardo‘s influence as a yoga instructor spans the globe, touching tens of thousands of students internationally. For over a decade, Kate has been teaching and leading training programs through her award-winning yoga studios before expanding virtually through YogaRenew Teacher Training. Drawing upon her background in education, she’s become a vast resource for the yoga community and a trusted leader for yogis worldwide. Kate is an ERYT500 certified teacher, certified Yin Yoga teacher, Yoga Alliance Continuing Education Teacher, and holds a certificate in Positive Psychology. She is fiercely passionate about teaching people how to live happier, more balanced lives filled with abundance + ease. Personal Instagram: Kate Lombardo YogaRenew Website: Yoga Renew

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