Why I hid my pregnancy

I never thought I would have something in common with a fictional billionaire family, but like “Succession’s” Shiv, I also hid my pregnancy at work.

As someone in my thirties, I hoped that I was at a point in my life where I didn’t have to hide anything. Unfortunately, the professional world penalizes those who are pregnant and I felt like I had to. While I was very happy to be expecting, I was painfully aware of the financial implications and they played on my mind right from the beginning.

I worked as a contractor in the media industry, so I had back-to-back roles at the same broadcaster for 9 years. I constantly had work, but my employment rights were very blurred, unlike the very clear rules laid out for permanent staff. This worked fine when I was younger, but it was a major red flag when it came to making the decision to start a family. 

Since my contracts were only a few months long,  I had to make sure that I would be put forward for at least four projects in the nine months before having my baby. This is what forced me to make the decision to hide my pregnancy—even losing one job would cost me. Maternity pay wouldn’t be anywhere near the same as my usual wage and I had to save every penny that I could before giving birth.

Another reason I was so worried was that I knew of other peers who had lost contracts and missed promotions due to pregnancy. Certain things, like lifting cameras, aren’t possible due to health and safety regulations and all pregnant workers have to be declared on a risk assessment form. Thankfully for me, at the end 2020 and beginning of 2021 there was much less filming due to COVID.

Historically there hasn’t been much support for working parents either. The long hours and high-pressure work environment of media jobs are two things that are hard to juggle, as trying to get childcare when your shifts change so frequently is a nightmare. 

In an ideal world moms wouldn’t have to deal with all of this.

Luckily for me, it was fairly easy to hide my pregnancy as it was at the end of the COVID lockdowns and I rarely had to go into the office. If I did, I would wear loose clothing to disguise my bump.

When I had Zoom meetings, I made sure to only show my head and shoulders and not get up during a call. I couldn’t even post on social media as I am friends with so many people from work. It wasn’t until I was eight months pregnant and I’d finished my last contract that I publicly posted about it.

Naturally, I told a few people who I trusted before then, but only those who wouldn’t tell any of the hiring bosses or someone from HR. I even worked harder just to prove that I was capable and worth keeping in case someone did find out. In the end, nobody did and I got the contracts I needed. I was relieved to be finished so that I didn’t have to skirt around the truth any more.

My son is now two, but I still feel sad that I had to be so secretive during what should have been an exciting period in my life. It is such a vulnerable time to be pregnant, with so much to plan for and worry about, but the threat of losing the livelihood I’d worked for due to maternity discrimination put a dark cloud over impending motherhood for me.

Since having my child and becoming a working mother, I have had to completely freelance, so I don’t have anyone to answer to as long as I deliver my work on time.

Having a child, especially when it’s your first, is an anxious enough time as it is without having the added worry that you could lose your job because of it. In an ideal world moms wouldn’t have to deal with all of this. The workplace would be more welcoming to pregnant women and recognize them for the asset that they are but, unfortunately, we’re not there yet.