We need to normalize paternity leave once and for all

It’s time we normalize paternity leave, and this is why. We have probably all heard the stories from generations of women before us. It used to be that men didn’t get time off at all when they became fathers. Oftentimes, they went back to work before their partners were even released from the hospital. This was normal. It was normal for dads to not get paternity leave. It was normal for them not to have that initial bonding time with their baby. And it was normal for women to go home with their newborn with little to no support. And for many people, it still is normal. But that doesn’t make it right.

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Postpartum is hard, and postpartum support is necessary. As a mother, you are recovering from childbirth—sometimes even major surgery if you had a C-section. You may be navigating breastfeeding and you are adjusting to adding another member to your family.

On top of recovering from labor, nursing around the clock and helping my toddler adjust to all these new changes, our house was hit with a nasty cold that lingered for weeks. Those first few weeks would have been so much harder had my husband been forced to immediately return to work.

Having my husband home for six weeks made all the difference in my postpartum experience. I was able to recover quicker. It allowed me to focus on feeding my baby and the many challenges that accompanied breastfeeding. I was afforded more one-on-one bonding time with my baby because my husband was able to take on toddler duty.

While my husband’s paternity leave was helpful for my son and I, it was priceless for him.

During that time, he helped make meals, shuttled our son to his many classes and activities and was there for constant support. The “baby blues” I experienced with my first really didn’t affect me as much this time around, and I think a lot of that had to do with having more help and support.

I am a big advocate for paternity leave after witnessing how bringing a new baby home affected my son. He went through a little adjustment period and we experienced some regression in his potty training and sleep. While he gave mom and dad a little trouble initially, he has been nothing but sweet with his new baby sister.

He really is the best big brother to her, and I think he has adjusted really well overall—which I think this is because he got a lot of one-on-one attention from my husband those first several weeks. Had I immediately been on my own with both kids, I think things would have been much harder for him.

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While my husband’s paternity leave was helpful for my son and I, it was priceless for him. I was grateful he had that time off for himself. My husband is a very involved dad, and my son’s best friend. He works very hard to provide for us, allowing me to be home most days with our babies. I am there to witness every little milestone and important moment with them, and it’s something I don’t take for granted.

So when my husband told me he would be able to be home with us for several weeks, I was so happy for him. I was happy that he would get to wake up with us and watch cartoons. I was happy that he got to take our son to gymnastics and swim class.

Related: Dear employers of dads—it’s time to make a change 

He was home for the first several weeks of our daughter’s life and attended doctor’s appointments with us. He got to experience what I am privileged to experience every day.

There are probably a lot of people out there who will argue that paternity leave is unnecessary. Many women have, and still do, navigate postpartum alone. We are expected to come home from the hospital sleep-deprived, bleeding, engorged and hormonal—all while keeping one or more humans alive.

Women are really good at handling everything themselves, aren’t they? We almost wear this self-reliance as a badge of honor though. We are expected to do it all and instead of questioning why it’s expected, we go through postpartum without adequate support. We rise above and just do it, don’t we? Just because moms can do it all doesn’t mean they should have to.

Our world has a lot of improvements to make in supporting mothers and fathers. It’s time we start to normalize postpartum support. And it’s time we normalize the importance of fathers being afforded the time to bond and care for their children. It’s time we normalize paternity leave once and for all.