‘My marriage doesn’t come before my kids’: The viral post sparking a family-priority debate

In a viral Instagram post, baby and toddler sleep specialist Kaitlin Klimmer sparked a conversation many parents find relatable yet rarely spoken about: the pressure to prioritize their marriage while meeting the intense needs of young children during those exhausting early years. Her post opened with a simple yet powerful declaration: “My marriage doesn’t come before my kids.”

Reflecting on one early attempt to reconnect with her husband, Klimmer shared, “When my first was a baby, our family kept telling my husband and I we ‘needed’ to reconnect and we ‘needed’ to prioritize our relationship… So we did. And I was anxious the entire time… The best part of the night was changing into our sweats, putting my sleeping baby on my chest where she belonged, and cuddling on the couch to watch a movie together.”

As reported by Today, Klimmer, who has been with her husband Michael for 12 years and married for five, has two daughters, ages 7 and 3, with a third child on the way. Her post resonated with parents feeling the same pull between nurturing their marriage and responding to young children’s constant demands.

Does one need to choose between marriage and parenthood, or can both thrive in their own season? Klimmer’s story has sparked a broader conversation about family priorities, tapping into the idea of “bounce-back” culture—the notion that new moms should quickly return to pre-baby routines, including date nights and couple time.

Young kids have unique needs that can’t be ignored

Klemmer’s post highlights the powerful instinct many new moms feel to focus on their children during early years. “Young children are, by their nature, needy and vulnerable. Even the ‘easy-going’ ones ask so.much. of our bodies, our emotions, our time, our patience…” she wrote. Her words resonated with parents who feel these formative years require their full presence and attention.

Followers echoed this sentiment:
“Kids come first. They are only little for a short time—they always need you, but when they are older it’s not the same as when they are babies.” – @lynne_fox

“Our kids are 1000% our number one priority, and my husband and I couldn’t be happier or more blessed.” – @michellethompson_sa

For Klimmer, these early years are about being fully present with her children, knowing this intense season won’t last forever. Many parents agree that focusing on their kids now doesn’t mean disregarding their marriage but adapting to this demanding life stage.

Trusting in the strength of a solid foundation

For many couples, parenthood means embracing a new dynamic—and that’s okay. Klimmer shared, “My husband is a grown a– man with a developed brain. He understands that the intense neediness of young children is a relatively short phase in our relationship.”

She adds, “If my husband and I put our marriage on the ‘backburner’ for a bit during this season, it’s a blip in the radar of what will be a decades-long partnership.” – @kaitlinklimmer

Instead of feeling neglected, many couples find that prioritizing their children in these early years strengthens their partnership in other ways. For Klimmer, it’s not about ignoring her relationship; it’s about trusting in the foundation she and her husband have built.

The ‘bounce-back’ culture and the pressure to return to pre-baby norms

Klimmer’s post critiques the “bounce-back” culture in marriage, where new moms feel pressured to maintain pre-baby dynamics. “The pressure to maintain the pre-baby relationship POST babies is just another example of the patriarchy telling women… no one around them should feel the impact of having those kids—including their partners,” she noted. – @kaitlinklimmer

For many parents, the expectation to prioritize date nights and “reconnection” feels unrealistic and even unnecessary. “It’s the constant ‘you need to have time just the 2 of you’—but like why?? Being anxious and just missing our kids the whole time? One day again, sure! But not today.” – @thatecemom_

Rejecting this pressure allows parents to embrace their new family dynamic, letting young children’s needs take precedence without guilt.

The power of “micro-moments” over traditional date nights

Klimmer’s story resonated with thousands of parents because it embraces a refreshing definition of connection: small, intentional moments. Connection doesn’t have to look like grand gestures or weekends away—sometimes, it’s in the small moments.

“These are the chapters for ice cream on the couch in our sweats. And if I’m being real… I LOVE that for us.” – @kaitlinklimmer

This relaxed approach takes the pressure off maintaining a “perfect” marriage, allowing couples to stay close in ways that fit their family’s rhythm. “Basically, IT’S OK if in these chapters, the kids are the main characters of our love story. We still have the rest of the book to write,” she adds.

For parents like Klimmer, these micro-moments are enough to keep their bond strong without stepping outside their comfort zone during an already demanding season. It’s about embracing what works now, knowing they can write new chapters together as their family grows.

Balancing marriage and parenthood: finding what works for your family

Klimmers post has sparked a larger conversation about family dynamics. While she emphasizes putting young children first during early, demanding years, others argue that nurturing the marriage provides a stable foundation for the family. As one follower noted, “Our children are only little for such a short time, but they should know that they are not the center of the household. They are a PART of our family—not the center.” – @l_carter_2014

For some parents, modeling a strong partnership offers lasting benefits, showing children what commitment and love look like. “Putting your marriage first does not mean neglecting your kids. It models what a healthy relationship looks like.” – @laurenreilly_realestate

Both perspectives show that family balance doesn’t have to look one way. Whether you lean toward prioritizing partnership or focusing on parenthood, what matters most is finding what works for your unique family.

“How about we not judge or assume our way is the best way at all? We’re all empowered to make decisions that work for us and for those we love.” – @bethbovey

Klimmer’s story reminds us that each family creates its own path. So, whether you’re a “children come first” parent, a “marriage comes first” parent, or a mix of both, give yourself permission to honor the season you’re in. The best way forward is the one that makes your family thrive.