Mom shares eye-opening perspective on ‘deposit vs. withdrawal’ parenting

As parents, all we want is for our children to grow up to be happy, healthy, and successful (in whatever way that looks like for them). The internet is a treasure trove of information and resources when it comes to parenting tips, but it can also be gut-wrenching to read an article or see a social media post that makes you think you’re not parenting to your full potential. (If that’s you right now, remember we’ve all been there. You’re a good parent, and you’ve got this!)

Instagrammer Amy Main (@amyymain) had one of those moments recently, and she shared it with her followers in an encouraging post. She shared a simple reel with the words: “A parenting mistake that was ruining my relationship with my children” and dove deep into her revelation in the caption.

“Raise your hand if you’ve thought, ‘I just want them to turn out okay and not traumatize them,’” she began the lengthy caption. “Thanks to the internet, we’ve all read that one article that had us convinced we’re one timeout and meltdown away from ruining our kiddo for life. Parenting can sometimes feel like we’re walking this tightrope, balancing being their guide without losing their trust.”

“I recently heard our relationship with our kids referred to like a bank account,” Main continued. “Deposits are the bedtime snuggles, the random dance-offs, the ‘I’m proud of you’ moments. The quality time. Every hug, every shared giggle, every ‘you got this’ pep talk. Showing up. Putting down your phone and spending time with them. Deposits are the investments in their emotional well-being.”

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A post shared by Amy Main | Unfiltered Motherhood (@amyymain)

If the positives are deposits, then the negatives are withdrawals. “Then there are the withdrawals,” she added. “‘no more screen time,’ the ‘please don’t do that again,’ and the ‘bedtime now’ reminders. The criticism. The corrections. Necessary, absolutely. But too many in a row? And we will bankrupt our account.”

Main realized she was withdrawing more than she was depositing after speaking to her dad about the balance of giving and taking in relationships. “My dad just reminded me about ‘dipping and pouring’ – about the balance of taking and giving in relationships,” the mom explained. “It hit me hard when I realized I was doing a lot of ‘dipping’ in my parenting style.”

“Making sure they grow up right is crucial, but not at the cost of our bond. If corrections are all they hear, it’s no wonder they might pull away,” Main concluded her message. “So, let’s promise ourselves this: for every withdrawal, we’ll make double the deposits. Balance that parenting account. Not just for their sakes, but for our relationship with them.”