Hold off on buying your kid that first phone as long as humanly possible, experts say

“Mom, when am I getting a phone!?” It’s a question I hear multiple times per day. My responses vary, but generally go like this:

“Never.” (joking)

“When you’re old.”

“When you stop losing things.”

“When you have $1,000 dollars saved up.”

Basically, as you can gather, I’m stalling. And that’s exactly what expert Yale University psychology professor Laurie Santos told CNBC in a recent interview: “Wait as long as possible,” he said.

The why is simple — their mental health is on the line. The advocacy group “Wait until 8th,” which encourages parents only to give phones to their kids in 8th grade or later, states that even Silicon Valley executives are saying no to phones until their kids are 14 as well, because:

• Kids are missing childhood experiences like playing outdoors, thanks to social media use of 3-7 hours in front of the screen
• They are built to be addictive
• They are distracting from academics
• They literally alter your kid’s brain, the NIH found by examining MRIs, leading to thinning of the cortex, which helps process info from the five senses
• They impair sleep
• They impact behavior and relationships
• They increase the risk of anxiety and depression

If all this isn’t enough, suicide risk increases might be — an astonishing 7-8% of adolescents attempt suicide each year. 

So, waiting helps their brains develop further, helps them learn significant lessons about what is fake versus real (no, you can’t dunk a basketball by jumping off a roof onto a trampoline like YouTube says), and more. Basically, we are stalling, and it’s proven to help.

But those preteens can sure be convincing. “All my friends have one — you are making me lose friends.” “How am I going to call you if something happens or practice ends early?!? Preteen and teen parents have heard every possible plea in the book. 

Wait Until 8th is ready for their reasons, and have some seriously helpful resources if you are stalling like me:

• Buy a basic phone to hold them over instead. They can always watch online videos at home on their iPads, but they don’t need access to Instagram in their pocket.
• Explore smartphone alternatives — flip phones are retro now, right?
• Ask yourself and your child this list of questions before saying yes.
• Actively teach them alternate ways of connecting with friends and getting ahold of you — organize a fun pizza and video game night for them and their friends at your home in *gasp* person. Or, teach them how to discreetly ask to use the office phone at school.

Their mental health is worth the discomfort, which I will keep repeating in my head when they ask again and again. Until they wear me down, of course.