Making—and keeping—mom friends is easier than you think, say Cat & Nat

You’re missing out if you haven’t heard of the hilarious Canadian duo Cat & Nat. The pair—currently on tour—skyrocketed to fame in 2014 after their candid YouTube and social media content and #momtruths resonated with other burned-out moms. 

Catherine Belknap and Natalie Telfer are best “mom friends” IRL, and both are married with multiple children (a total of seven). Since we’re transitioning from summer into the busy back-to-school season, relying on our mom friends to keep us sane is more important than ever. Yet, Motherly’s State of Motherhood report recently showed that 51% of moms prioritize sleep over socializing. 

Time spent with good friends can be replenishing—and maybe even the key to burnout prevention. But with 58% of moms reporting that they are the primary parent responsible for most household duties and caring for children, we know it’s hard to carve out that social time. With that in mind, we spoke to the two self-proclaimed “hockey moms” about why mom friends are so important to our lives and how you can utilize these relationships to help get you through the chaos. 

Making mom friends can be hard—but it doesn’t have to be

Loneliness can set in if you feel you’ve drifted away from childhood or school friends, or you think it’s too hard to make new adult friends. But Cat and Nat say to take the pressure off of forming deep bonds and just focus on having ‘friends’ you can chat with and forge new friendships with, even if it’s a surface-level relationship. It’s about shifting how you think about friendship. 

That means you can have fellow soccer mom friends, PTA moms, the mom at the park you see every day, and neighborhood moms all in your corner without the added pressure of making time for them outside your daily responsibilities. 

“Even though you might not spend extensive time with these other moms or go out with them or away with them, when you see them, you can have conversations at the playgrounds, or on the soccer field, or in the hockey rink, or carpool the kids. We call these the ‘in-between friends.’ These moms are our community and help us through those in-between moments by letting us feel connected,” says Belknap. 

“You don’t have to be constantly searching for a best friend. You can get different things from different people, and that’s OK too,” shares Telfer. Belknap adds, “You may spend hours together at a hockey tournament chatting about what’s going on in your life at that moment. Change your definition of friendship: It doesn’t have to be spending Thursday nights putting face masks on each other.” 

Keep the pressure low

The duo once famously said, “Mom dating is like Tinder.” As with any relationship, we tend to feel rejected or abandoned if the person doesn’t appear to be reciprocating. But when it comes to mom friends, how do you know if the other mom wants to swipe right? 

Cat and Nat say life is busy, and you shouldn’t stress over an unanswered text. “It’s not that they don’t like you or are ignoring you. They probably opened the text and had to put out 17 fires in the house. We all go through phases where we can’t be 100%. Just like relationships, it can’t always be 50/50; it goes back and forth, so keep that in mind with mom friends, too. Just meet them where they’re at.” 

Mom friends are the ‘buffer’ against burnout

And when you find your true blues? Mom friends can mean the difference between smooth sailing and “complete and utter meltdown,” say the comedians. It’s worth reaching out to a mom friend when you’re in the thick of things, just to talk things through. 

Think of them like a helpful buffer. “What[ever] you’re going through at that moment, it feels really good to talk to someone outside of your partner and family who understands what you’re going through and can also listen objectively,” says Telfer. 

“They know right away whether you want their advice or just want them to listen,” adds Belknap. 

They don’t need anything from you  

The constant wants and needs of our families can be taxing. It can be refreshing to spend time with people who don’t demand or need anything from you, say the duo. “It’s more relaxed, and it’s just the best having fun with people you don’t have to worry about their needs or taking care of them. They don’t want anything from you other than your company. They take care of you by taking care of themselves.” 

It’s a judgment-free relationship

This is a safe space that allows you to be yourself. “Around your friends, you can just be present in a no-strings-attached, pure relationship,” says Belknap. “You can just think about yourself, have fun, let go and experience joy.” 

These friends also know that just because you may call them up and rant your heart out, you don’t hate your kids or want a divorce—you just need to vent. “This is the friend that’ll say it’s time to go out for a drink, I’ll pick you up in 10 minutes.” 

Take time to celebrate your crew 

Mark the calendar and shine the spotlight on the people there for you through thick and thin. “If the divorce rate is 50%, think about it—your friends are often there longer than your partners. We think it’s crazy that people celebrate anniversaries with partners yet don’t celebrate these important friendships,” they proclaim. Time to set a friendship-anniversary? We think yes.

Remember: Friendships are a form of self-care

Sometimes, just a quick chat with a friend or a text exchange can be the self-care you need. Or better yet, work those mom friends into things you enjoy for the ultimate act of self-care. “Everyone in the world is loving pickleball right now, so join a league,” Telfer jokes. “Or go play Fortnite like our children do, or do a paint n’ sip. You can even ask a mom to do a daily walk around the neighborhood so you’re engaging in conversation while you walk.” 

The next time you’re on the verge of a breakdown, remember that there’s a supportive community of other moms out there who can help lift you up when you need it most.