I hope my kids have ‘forever friends’—like the ones I have

A few weeks ago, I went out for a rare mid-week dinner with a couple of childhood friends. We don’t get together all that often (we’re all busy working moms, after all), though we do chat in a group text often (usually when one of us wants to spill tea). It doesn’t matter how long it’s been since we’ve last seen each other. When we spend time together, it’s like no time has passed. This is the beauty of forever friends. 

Since my oldest son started high school last year, his friendships have evolved. He’s made new friends. He’s strengthened friendships with other kids he’s known for years. Some friends have moved away, others go to different schools. As I watch these friendships grow and change, I often wonder: which of these kids will be his forever friends?

Related: A love letter to the mom friends I always text—but rarely see 

Some of my closest friendships are with people I’ve known since I was a teen or even younger. I have really good friends who I met after becoming a mom or in recent years, but there is something special about childhood friendships that last.

Friendship—all friendships, whether old friends or new friends—are an amazing thing. In fact, research suggests that friendships can actually help us live longer and more meaningful lives. Some friendships come and go, some last for a season. We have old friends and new friends, work friends and “parents of our kids’ friends” friends. But there is something really beautiful about forever friends. 

Forever friends are the ones who have known us for decades. The friends who’ve known us since way back when, and who also know that we aren’t the same person we were back then. 

Forever friends know our secrets. They know about the weird family traditions we had as a child and they know why we can’t talk about the summer of ’98 without cringing, crying or belly-laughing.

Forever friends know all our stories—or most of them—and they love us anyway.

Forever friends know what we thought our lives would be like when we were young and naïve. They remind us of the things that really mattered to us once upon a time, and they urge us to let go of the romantic ideals that were never meant to be. 

Forever friends know what kind of relationship we have with our parents and our siblings—and more important, why. Forever friends understand why we still cry at the end of “Sandlot” and how we got that scar on the back of our knee. 

Forever friends know our nicknames. All of them.

Forever friends know all our stories—or most of them—and they love us anyway. They know the good, the bad and the really ugly. They know who we were and who we wanted to be and who we actually are. 

Forever friends listen to us vent when life feels really hard, and they jump up and down with us when life is unbelievably good. They usually know just what to say, even if it’s nothing at all. 

I don’t know what makes some friendships last longer than others, but I think it boils down to two things: consistent effort and a little bit of magic. 

Forever friends are there when our aging parents gets sick. They come to funerals and show up with casseroles. They know what we want to say even if we don’t say it.

Forever friends come in all kinds of flavors. Sometimes we lost touch for a while and then made our way back to each other. Other times we’ve been thick as thieves for decades. But they all have one thing in common—the comfort that comes from knowing that this person will always be in our corner. That they’ll always be part of our life. That our friendship—though it might change—will be forever.

Related: To my friends who had kids before me: I am sorry I didn’t know 

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what makes a friendship last. My husband and I both have a handful of friends who are “forever friends”—some of them live nearby, others live far away—and I want this same thing for my own children. I don’t know what makes some friendships last longer than others, but I think it boils down to two things: consistent effort and a little bit of magic. 

A few well-kept secrets doesn’t hurt either.