A love letter to the mom friends I always text—but rarely see

I love you.

And though we rarely get to meet up IRL, your friendship means more than the simple words on a screen can quite convey.

I don’t know how I’d endure motherhood without the hopeful, sarcastic, I-get-you, in-the-trenches of mom life texts.

It’s the mom friends who just get it, even if they live far away.

Some of my mom friends live within driving distance, but it takes weeks to coordinate an in-real-life get together.

And many of my closest mom friends now live scattered all over the country.

Related: To my mom friends: Thank you for letting me lean on you through motherhood

To be honest, I’d prefer a village of friends and family across the street and down the block. I wish I lived in a neighborhood filled with a lifelong support system, and I feel pangs of jealousy for those friends who have those levels of support nearby. But since I have moved a lot as an adult and am raising kids far from family, the support I get from my friends via text message is some of the most meaningful in my life.

To the moms who share helpful articles with me via texts, thank you. I feel seen by the information you share and cared for with the ideas you bring me.

To the friends who tag me in hilarious Instagram posts about raising a wild child, thank you. You may not be up and personal with my more-energy-than-his-body-can-contain three-year-old, but you get it.

Related: You’re not imagining it: Mothers need friendships to thrive

To the friends who let me rant about a struggle I’m going through via text, thank you. Sometimes I just need to complain before I can move on. Your text inbox sometimes is my safe space and I am grateful for that.

To the mom friends who start typing, don’t finish, and then answer three days later with “OMG sorry I forgot to respond,” thank you. I feel validated knowing I’m not the only mom who struggles to keep up with the demands of daily life, and I GET it. All good.

To the friends who send “thinking of you” messages, thank you. It sometimes feels like nobody is seeing us as mothers, and you make me feel like a whole person again by your small kindnesses.

To the friends who check in on me when they know I’m sick, thank you. As moms, it can feel like our wellbeing is on the bottom of everyone’s life. Knowing someone is thinking about me is a reassurance that means more than you know.

Related: Mom Guilt is a symptom of a much deeper problem

To the friends who text pictures without explanation—a positive pregnancy test, a poop explosion, a messy living room floor covered in 32509 Legos—thank you. Although we’re not hanging out in person, we are living such similar lives and it tickles me to no end knowing you’re going through this, too.

To the mom friends I can have the same fraught text conversations with, over and over again, thank you. Life is hard. Families are complicated. Raising kids is expensive. Sometimes it feels like we share the same struggles 24/7, but in the sharing, I find comfort and camaraderie.

To the mom friends who won’t let our friendship die despite the distance, thank you. I am so grateful for technology that lets us stay in touch across the miles and dream of a day when we get to fill each others cups IRL, too.

To the mom friends who are always just a hopeful text away, thank you. Motherhood is beautiful, exhausting and lonely. Thank you for being my virtual support squad. Your friendship means far more than I can ever say over text. But I’ll try, anyway.

A version of this post was published July 25, 2022. It has been updated.